“Wanna move to Maryland?”
Before we move to MD, let’s hang out in 2019 real quick.
We just got married, went on a super fun honeymoon in Europe and rang in 2019 pregnant. We were a dual income couple, a few dogs, and I was about a year or so into my streaming journey. My husband had been streaming for a short while when he showed me a game called Fortnite. Obviously I was hooked. My first gaming experience was Tetris on a boxy PC with a single button joystick, so I’ve been around video games awhile – but I wouldn’t call myself a “gamer.” This was a whole new world of creativity for me! I’m a dance instructor so creative minds are always cool in my book and this was just another stage to perform on. Then we had our first son. And I had no idea who I was anymore. I was a mother now and had to keep a tiny human alive. That’s it. I haven’t streamed since.
I know moms struggle with identity after they have kids – dads too, I see you. “I can’t stream because I have to feed the baby.” “Probably won’t be on until later when the baby is in bed.” “Go ahead and save your sub because I won’t be on for awhile.” Fast forward to 2024 and I’m just now getting my inspiration back. There was a lot going on in those 5 years, but that’s for an entirely different article. I still played games, still watched my friends play and create content. I liked watching them succeed. I just never gave myself the space to succeed, and I’m ready to do that now. I’m tired of allowing detours to become roadblocks and I want to take my identity back!
I enjoyed life. I loved dancing, cooking, crafting. If you go down a deep enough rabbit hole, you can probably find old streams of me singing on Twitch Sings too (remember that game? super fun). I’m bringing those things back into my life with a fresh outlook! I didn’t completely abandon myself, but I am different now. And 2023 was going to bring my family a whole new opportunity for a fresh start.
My husband was offered a new job. He’d been casually looking around for something different, more fulfilling, more rewarding. An offer came in just as casually and he couldn’t refuse. “Wanna move to Maryland?” HUH? Seriously? A big move wasn’t out of the question, we were already scouting properties in Montana. What was another couple thousand miles? Let’s do it! We both needed the change, the adventure, the new beginning and this was our chance. A month later he was officially onboarded, a month after that I resigned, and a month after that we were on the road from one coast to the other. Crazy.
Now what? It’s been 6 months of figuring things out and I still don’t know what the hell to do. I’m a stay at home mom now, whatever that means. My husband travels a lot for work and it seems now I have even LESS time to try and go after my goals. I’m not going to let that type of self talk take hold of my well being any longer. I don’t know how I’m going to do that yet, but it’s not happening. I don’t usually do resolutions, but this year will be different. Detours will no longer become roadblocks. I’m going to make time for me and what I love doing. Period.
I’ve learned that I need to allow myself to do things slowly. I won’t punish myself for not getting to the dishes. I won’t feel bad if I play games all day because I’m having an off day. I’m going to use this fresh start to my full advantage and kick 2024 right in the ass.
I will make time for my small crafting business. I will make time for my self care, physically and mentally. I will make time for my friends and watch them succeed in their careers as well as make time for my own. I will make time to spend quality – QUALITY time with my husband and two children, and the dogs too.
2024 will be the Year of the Gamer Mom in me. The Cooking Mom. The Dancing Mom. The Mom who took her identity back. No more roadblocks.
It’s my year.